Family Profile #2: My Father
Reference Name: Daddy
Date Of Birth: 8/20/39
Date Of Death: 9/11/05
Favorite Memory: Coming to both, my high school and my college graduation.
My father was an interesting character. When I was growing up, he was my hero. I looked up to him so much. I was a daddy's boy. I guess because I was the youngest boy. My father was a truck driver for as long as I can remember. He would always bring home goodies every friday. My younger sister and I looked forward to it. It brought so much joy to our lives. Somewhere along the line, the relationship between myself and my father faded to zero. I guess I held a lot of resentment towards him for something that he did to me. When I was 8 or 9, I auditioned for the Mickey Mouse Club. I was totally ready for this. I remember being so confident at such an early age. My dad did not like the arts or didn't like the entertainment field. So I auditioned and I made the final cuts. My mom and I were so excited. We were to fly out to Florida in a couple of days. At that age, I felt like I was on top of the world. I couldn't wait to tell my father. When my mom and I told him, he was very displeased and was extremely against it. I was heartbroken but I was not deterred. Yea I looked at that as an opportunity that was missed but my passion for music grew. Well after this, my father and I were always at odds. I wanted to participate in things such as musicals, chorus, band, and various other school clubs. My father wanted me in autoshop and sports. He was so upset that his youngest son was turning into a musician and going against the grain of his other two sons. I was just being me. Anyway, my father was very distant in my school life. He never came to a concert or event. I was very active in HS and I had a lot on my plate and I really needed my father there but he wasn't. Well when I was a sophomore in HS, my father was diagnosed with Kidney Disease and Diabetes. This impacted him tremendously and immediately. Within that year, my father had to quite his job as a truck driver because he was losing his vision. He started going on dialysis three times a week. About a month after that, he went completely blind. Forcing him to really depend on others and be little more humble. I remember that my mom and I would take turns taking him to the dialysis center. I had to take my father to dialysis every morning before school and my mom would pick him up. This became the daily routine for the rest of my high school days. We really never had a lot of conversation between each other but I did it out of pure love. My father even showed up to my HS graduation. Well when I left for college, I always called my mom but never talked to my father. I didn't hate my father it was just that we never found anything in common. When my mom died in 1998, my father truly felt like he was on his own. Throughout my years at college, I would stay in contact to check up on my father but nothing beyond that. The family was extremely impacted by the death of my mother so I didn't want him to feel like I would totally leave him by the wayside. Our bond did grow stronger eventually. I moved in with my father after I graduated from college. At first, it was a little rocky. We argued over phone calls and groceries and such. I needed to realize that I was no longer a teenager but I had to realize that it was still his house. He would monitor my calls all of the time. He always asked questions about my sexuality. It became a heavy burden upon me. Even though things were getting better, I still realized that I needed to be an adult. So in May of 2004 I moved out on my own. It seemed like that move made our bond grow even stronger. Now I felt like I was truly his son. I would come to visit my father on weekends and try to take care of him as much as I could. I would take out for steak dinners every once in a while. My father had a hard time taking care of himself later on. He moved in with my sister who lived down the road. I remember having to go down to that part of the county to sing at a funeral for the father of a friend. So afterwards, I stopped by to see my sister and my father. Well my sister had left to do some shopping and my niece was at home with my dad. I decided to take them out to get something to eat and enjoy their company. My father wanted a burger and fries with an ice cream cone for dessert. It was odd for him to want this but I obliged and we went to this new diner. Well afterwards he wanted to go back to his house. I wasn't sure if I should take him there but I did. I took to the house and told my sister where he was. All was fine I thought. I get a call the next morning at about 10 am. It is from one of my sisters. She tells me to come to my father's house immediately. I arrive at my father's house to find out that my father had committed suicide that night. My father shot himself with a gun that we never knew that he had. I was totally shaken up. I felt my world crash down. Almost instantly, I felt at blame for the entire situation. I couldn't help but think that I was the cause of his death. I often wonder what would have happened if I didn't take him back to the house. What if I had just let him stay at my sister's house that night? Questions began to roam through my mind. I still have some to this day. I was changed once again. I miss my father. We developed this weird relationship that ended on a tragic note. Wow.
Date Of Birth: 8/20/39
Date Of Death: 9/11/05
Favorite Memory: Coming to both, my high school and my college graduation.
My father was an interesting character. When I was growing up, he was my hero. I looked up to him so much. I was a daddy's boy. I guess because I was the youngest boy. My father was a truck driver for as long as I can remember. He would always bring home goodies every friday. My younger sister and I looked forward to it. It brought so much joy to our lives. Somewhere along the line, the relationship between myself and my father faded to zero. I guess I held a lot of resentment towards him for something that he did to me. When I was 8 or 9, I auditioned for the Mickey Mouse Club. I was totally ready for this. I remember being so confident at such an early age. My dad did not like the arts or didn't like the entertainment field. So I auditioned and I made the final cuts. My mom and I were so excited. We were to fly out to Florida in a couple of days. At that age, I felt like I was on top of the world. I couldn't wait to tell my father. When my mom and I told him, he was very displeased and was extremely against it. I was heartbroken but I was not deterred. Yea I looked at that as an opportunity that was missed but my passion for music grew. Well after this, my father and I were always at odds. I wanted to participate in things such as musicals, chorus, band, and various other school clubs. My father wanted me in autoshop and sports. He was so upset that his youngest son was turning into a musician and going against the grain of his other two sons. I was just being me. Anyway, my father was very distant in my school life. He never came to a concert or event. I was very active in HS and I had a lot on my plate and I really needed my father there but he wasn't. Well when I was a sophomore in HS, my father was diagnosed with Kidney Disease and Diabetes. This impacted him tremendously and immediately. Within that year, my father had to quite his job as a truck driver because he was losing his vision. He started going on dialysis three times a week. About a month after that, he went completely blind. Forcing him to really depend on others and be little more humble. I remember that my mom and I would take turns taking him to the dialysis center. I had to take my father to dialysis every morning before school and my mom would pick him up. This became the daily routine for the rest of my high school days. We really never had a lot of conversation between each other but I did it out of pure love. My father even showed up to my HS graduation. Well when I left for college, I always called my mom but never talked to my father. I didn't hate my father it was just that we never found anything in common. When my mom died in 1998, my father truly felt like he was on his own. Throughout my years at college, I would stay in contact to check up on my father but nothing beyond that. The family was extremely impacted by the death of my mother so I didn't want him to feel like I would totally leave him by the wayside. Our bond did grow stronger eventually. I moved in with my father after I graduated from college. At first, it was a little rocky. We argued over phone calls and groceries and such. I needed to realize that I was no longer a teenager but I had to realize that it was still his house. He would monitor my calls all of the time. He always asked questions about my sexuality. It became a heavy burden upon me. Even though things were getting better, I still realized that I needed to be an adult. So in May of 2004 I moved out on my own. It seemed like that move made our bond grow even stronger. Now I felt like I was truly his son. I would come to visit my father on weekends and try to take care of him as much as I could. I would take out for steak dinners every once in a while. My father had a hard time taking care of himself later on. He moved in with my sister who lived down the road. I remember having to go down to that part of the county to sing at a funeral for the father of a friend. So afterwards, I stopped by to see my sister and my father. Well my sister had left to do some shopping and my niece was at home with my dad. I decided to take them out to get something to eat and enjoy their company. My father wanted a burger and fries with an ice cream cone for dessert. It was odd for him to want this but I obliged and we went to this new diner. Well afterwards he wanted to go back to his house. I wasn't sure if I should take him there but I did. I took to the house and told my sister where he was. All was fine I thought. I get a call the next morning at about 10 am. It is from one of my sisters. She tells me to come to my father's house immediately. I arrive at my father's house to find out that my father had committed suicide that night. My father shot himself with a gun that we never knew that he had. I was totally shaken up. I felt my world crash down. Almost instantly, I felt at blame for the entire situation. I couldn't help but think that I was the cause of his death. I often wonder what would have happened if I didn't take him back to the house. What if I had just let him stay at my sister's house that night? Questions began to roam through my mind. I still have some to this day. I was changed once again. I miss my father. We developed this weird relationship that ended on a tragic note. Wow.
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